Alrighty, I'll admit.. it took me awhile to allow myself to begin to write the posts for this section. The next stop on our journey, we'll take a look at LOVE, since the last post dove into it a bit.
A Quick Background
I grew up as an only child (so I thought) for 7 years until my little sister was born. Before becoming a big sister, I was fully loved and stimulated by my parents, and the village (everyone who had a hand in raising me). We had game nights, family dinner, anything I wanted for the most part (I don't remember being told no!)
So, as you can imagine....
Becoming a big sister at the age of 7 was a MAJOR ADJUSTMENT, for little Nikki!
I now had to split my attention with a baby, I mean how could I compete? lol
Anyways, you have some of the background... let's jump to young adulthood.
(Yes, I'm still spoiled & very loved!)
One day, I was visiting back home with my family. I asked for something... but was told that my sister needed something, so I had to wait. (or something like that).
~ I'll shame myself, and admit that since my sister was born (and I lost some of my attention), I've felt like a "step child" or second best ... ~
So, in response I replied "Oh, you're favorite" or "You always have something to do for her, over me" ... You know, the typical parent-sibling talk.
Mind you, I wasn't mad when I said this and honestly I'm not sure why I felt the need to say it (I've just always told myself that, and that's how I was feeling..)
Well, this hurt my family member and they replied "that's not true" ... "sure" I replied and was immediately told not to act like that by my roommate (who was on the phone). I dropped the topic, but throughout the day, it was still on my mind 'how was I wrong, that's how I feel'.
Usually these conversations are out of my mind, but this time was different and maybe because of the interjection (I know the nature of this person, and they wouldn't tell me wrong).
I straight up told him, I don't feel like I was wrong... I don't understand why I was wrong and if I was, I need you to show me!
The next morning, I woke up with the words "Owe no man anything" in my . I couldn't go back to sleep, and decided to search it out (I knew I'd heard a scripture with this before.)
Romans 13:8 KJV
" Owe no man anything, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. "
I began to breakdown and study the scripture, looking at the definitions of the words (even those that I may know~I put a few below).
Owe means to be indebted, obliged or bound to, to ascribe to (attribute to, regard as belonging to or produced by)
Anything means nothing, not any being or existence, not any deed or event, no other thing
Love means to be pleased with, to regard with affection (instinctive).
Through the word, God began to show my spirit that I was holding my family (and potentially others) to a standard higher than what he has commanded.
I was shown that ALL ANYONE OWES ME IS LOVE (~ all I owe is love), and my family has loved me to the fullest!
My teacher (God) showed me that while how I felt was not a sin, it could lead to sin.
That, being attached to feeling like I was owed more than love, can begin to change the way that I see others, the way I treat others, and ultimately the way I love others. And honestly being bound (attached) to anything that is not of love can have this same affect.
I started to understand that I don't owe myself anything but to LOVE, which means that any feeling that arises and does not encompass love... I don't have to allow myself to entertain it, I can choose LOVE.
I was wrong in the situation because while my words were not out of anger (or malice), they were also not out of love.
And, continuing to allow myself to feel that way could have led me to be angry, to resent, or worse.
I'm glad that I was able to go through that and learn from it... to be willing to ask was I wrong (and how?)
What I learned...
By just bringing a situation to God, asking how does He views my action(s) or mindset(s)... I was able to change & begin to operate in love and understanding.
By being open & applying what I learned in the study, I was able to enjoy the rest of my family time in PEACE knowing that I'm LOVED and that anything I have need of, God will provide, anything I don't understand, God will teach.
In every situation, there is a lesson to be learned... something we could have done better... an aspect that could be improved upon, we just have to be willing to see it!
Growth comes when we are able to evaluate ourselves, be humble, seek out the answer and make the changes necessary to become the person that we are meant to be!
I make an effort everyday to evaluate my actions and words, was that necessary, was it out of love, what could that lead to?
Have you ever been in a situation, where you felt justified by your feelings? (~or am I the only one?) ~
As I always... I have enjoyed furthering our journey together. Taking a look into how in every situation, there is a lesson to be learned.. and that in all that we do, we must LOVE!
Love, Nikki P.